Prism Book Alliance would like to thank Bronwyn Heeley for taking the time to talk with us today.
Title: Love Without Knowing It
Author: Bronwyn Heeley
Publisher: Self Published
When everything Paul had ever known turned upside down, suddenly he needs to man up and fight for the love he’s always feared.
Paul’s life was set. He had what he needed and what he was comfortable with. Then a night with one of his regular lovers pulls him into the drama of sickness, love, and death.
In the end, Paul needs to work a few things out first: Is he strong enough to fall in love with a man that may need more than he’s able to give, or will he fall into old habits and run when the relationship gets too complicated?
Note: though the month of November 2014 all profits from this book will be donated to the Movember charity
I’m Bronwyn Heeley, and this book I’m showing you all today is close to my heart for many reasons. The first one being that when I decided to write it, my mother had just informed us that she had breast cancer. Now, I understand a lot of people will think, because many have asked, why I didn’t do a breast cancer book instead. The thing is, it’s never seemed as important to me. at least not the way this charity has stuck.
Being an Australian I understand and know all about Movember. the charity was created in a pub and became something so much bigger when the news got wind of it. it’s said that way, by me, because my memory of Movember starting is a little different then what the site says.
In any event, Movember started as a way for me to get together and support themselves and the illnesses that are seemingly pushed under the rug. No one wants to think about them, and let’s face it, get them to talk about an illness there suffering, and one that can potentially de-man them?!
The Movember charity is about more than just cancer, it’s about the whole range of male illness: prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and mental health, it encourages males though the month of November to get sponsored to grow their upper lip a buddy. The idea is to spread awareness and to get money to help researchers find a better way to test and to get the male body of the world in for regular check-ups, and not just for sickness, but also for health and fitness. We need to spread the word, which the human body isn’t perfect and it can get sick, very sick, and this isn’t a bad thing. It’s okay to be sick, it doesn’t make you any less strong, or unable to look after your family. It just makes you human.
So in highlight of this, and for my Mo Sista contribution I’m give all profits through the month of November to the Movember charity.
If you guys wish to learn more, here are the charity links
Let’s now talk the book. Love Without Knowing It, is the first book in the November series, which I will add to yearly. It’s about prostate cancer, but don’t worry its got a HEA.
This book isn’t in the head of the caregiver as he suddenly learns his lover is sick. It’s a quick sweet little story that I hope highlights some facts about prostate cancer as well as the stress in those first few weeks, because that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want to write the whole disease, I wanted just a moment in time when sickness is suddenly sprung upon you and you have to make a quick decision, to stand and fight or leave before things even get started.
Early the next morning Paul met Matt out the front of his apartment block. He’d been lucky to get there early or he would have missed Matt completely.
They walked to the doctor’s in a weird sort of silence, emotion dancing around them; no need for words, or gratitude, or small talk. Shifting his eyes to Matt, they shared a look and a bump or two of their shoulders as they went towards the scariest building Paul had ever seen.
The thing was, he wished more than anything they were not here at all. He wished they were still both home curled up in bed together, in their morning glory.
The waiting room was like every other one Paul had ever sat in. He tried to appear perfectly calm as he sat next to Matt, waiting. Waiting. Fucking waiting for a name, one name in particular, but when Matt’s name was called out, he suddenly wanted to grab him up and run like crazy. His heart didn’t want to be doing this, all he wanted was for Matt and him to run so fast none of this could catch up with them.
The waiting fear was so consuming he had trouble sitting still. His legs kept shifting nervously. He couldn’t stop looking at all the other sick people in the room. Why were they here? What would it be like if he was in Matt’s shoes? Would he be as calm, or would he have started to rant and rave? Hell, knowing himself, Paul would have been on his deathbed before he came to any doctor.
There was definitely no beauty pageant happening in this doctor’s surgery. Why were these people here, what was wrong with them? They didn’t look like they had been run over by a truck or anything, so what was wrong with them? Were any of them dying of cancer and you just couldn’t see it?
Leaning back in his chair, Paul pushed the thought away while fear of the unknown setled to the bottom of his stomach.
He tried to pick something to read, finally settling on an old magazine that had seen better days. Realistically, it probably held more germs than if he’d decided to lick a handrail. He couldn’t concentrate worth shit. What was wrong with the minute hand on the clock? It ticked by, slowly—so fucking slowly.
Then suddenly time was up. Matt walked out.
Paul didn’t need to ask Matt how it went with the doctor. He could see it in his face as soon as he walked out from the back of the surgery and up to the counter to pay. Something was definitely wrong. All Paul could see was his pale-as-shit face. Everything inside him froze. He took a deep calming breath, stood up, and unknowingly became Matt’s rock.
Paul took his time crossing the room as Matt finished paying and making another appointment. It seemed as if Matt was holding on by the skin of his teeth, and the last thing he needed was Paul going up to him, standing there, commenting on something he was clearly trying to hide.
They met at the door. Paul arrived first, silently opening it for him. Matt smiled, not saying anything, just fiddling with the papers in his hands, so many unspoken emotions running across his shocked face.
The door clicked shut. Paul blinked in surprise at the sounds of the world speeding by, as if everything was still normal, still working. “So…?”
“So?” Matt echoed, as if he didn’t know what Paul was talking about. As if Paul wasn’t dying—pun not intended—to know what was happening, what was wrong.
“What next?” he asked instead.
Matt cleared his throat as he looked down at his hands, but Paul saw the sad smile tilting the side of his mouth. He tried not to see fear in Matt’s eyes and he defiantly clamped down his jaw and didn’t ask any questions. He couldn’t push, mostly because he didn’t have any right to know what the doctor had said. If he had, he would have been in the room with Matt…
“Blood test,” he said lifting up the paper to emphasise.
“Okay, do you need an appointment, or can we just go?”
Matt shrugged. “Doc said if I went right away there shouldn’t be any problems.”
He was right, of course. This early in the morning, there was only an elderly lady and a pregnant sheila who had an overly excited toddler she was trying to keep quiet. The thing was, no one there cared about the rowdy little girl. To him it was distracting. It took his mind off what they were there for, or rather, what Matt was there for. She giggled and laughed, asking silly question he could barely understand, but couldn’t help smiling with the answers.
“Can you come in with me?” Matt asked unexpectedly, nervously licking his lips. When Paul got to his eyes he saw a look of pure fear staring back at him, the kind that was normally reserved to having a spider crawl up your neck.
Paul swallowed back a laugh. “Sure.”
Matt’s relief was a little too much to bear. “Thanks,” he sighed, “I really hate needles.”
“Hate?” Paul smiled, because the description Matt was looking for was scared as all fuck.
“Yeah,” Matt nodded, smiled. It lightened the mood for a moment even if it wasn’t really funny, but more relief at not being left alone while he was being stabbed with needles.
Paul felt this weird little lift in his shoulders, a pride at being let in without having to ask.
“He said that this should tell if it’s cancer or not,” Matt said softly after a long pause.
“That it? You don’t have to get cut up or nothing?”
Matt shrugged. “Apparently a blood test will tell us if it’s cancer or not.”
“Really?” It was asked as fact more than a question. “So that’s it then, just a blood test?”
“Well, for the moment. Because of the amount of swelling, and the fact that it hasn’t quite stopped me pissing yet—oh, and I’m young. He said it could be an infection, but…”
Yeah…, He’d never actually known anyone with prostate cancer, but from what he’d gathered it was the go-to disease, especially for men with a prostate the size of a plum. He hoped he was wrong, but his imagination was already running riot, and he couldn’t shake off the feeling that they were dealing with the worst.
“Yeah,” Matt sighed, a little calmer from sitting beside Paul, even if the death grip on Paul’s thigh gave him away…
They stayed sitting liked that as the elderly woman and then the mother went in and had their blood taken. They stayed connected that way as other people came and went. It seemed to take forever for their turn, and yet when Matt’s name finally got called it was as if only moments had passed.
Matt tensed up like a plank, and Paul tried not to laugh as he took his baby in to get his blood taken.
About the Author:
Bronwyn is always wants to be a what you see is what she is, kinda person, but she’s not sure if she truly wants to succeed in that area. mostly because the voices in her head, the ones that come out so well on paper aren’t as well behaved in her head, and she’s a mother now, she’s got to hold something form or sanity.
or on Facebook: www.facebook.com/beeheeley
I have a number of paperbacks, most of which are signed, to giveaway. Over the between now (11 Mar 2017) and 31 Mar 2017, every comment on the blog (this post and all other new posts), will be entered to win 1 of these paperbacks. There are also some misc swag items, so there will be a few packs of these to give away as well.
Thank you so much for your support over the last 4 years. Prism will be closing its doors on 1 April 2017. All content will remain available, but no new content will appear after 31 Mar 2017. As such all request forms have been turned off. Again Thank you,
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