Join us as Daniel Kaine goes Outside the Margins.
Sometimes, I feel like I’m more than one person.
In reality, I’m a quiet, introverted person. I hate being in the spotlight. I get anxious being surrounded by a lot of people, like I’m struggling to keep my head above water in the middle of a stormy ocean, and when that happens I retreat inside my shell. A lot of the time I’d prefer to be alone or with a few close friends.
And then there’s the other Daniel. He enjoys meeting new people. He has no problem being the center of attention and often does crazy things just for fun without worrying about the embarrassment that is sure to follow. He’s someone who believes in himself, and doesn’t let bad things get him down.
At home, you would likely see the first Daniel. And if you went to GRL in Albuquerque, you would have met that same version of myself. Walking into that hotel and suddenly being surrounded by so many people wanting to hug me… yeah, that was scary. Other than the few times I’d had a couple of drinks, I pretty much clung to people I knew as though they were the only thing stopping me drowning.
Fast forward one year to Atlanta, and things were a fair bit different. I still hated being in large groups, but I did feel more relaxed, and comfortable enough to walk about on my own. Maybe that was because I’d got to know so many people from Albuquerque that there was always a familiar face. Or, perhaps, it was my Daniel #2 mask slipping into place.
I’ve heard other authors talking about their ‘masks’ too. I guess it’s kinda like acting really. When we’re out there at a conference, we have to become sociable and likable. Not just because we’re surrounded by potential readers and publishers, but simply because it wouldn’t be as much fun otherwise—we may as well get the most out of the experience.
And this brings me onto the third me—the future me. My ideal self is the Daniel who doesn’t fear social situations. He’s much like the second Daniel, only he’s not an act. He’s more than just a disguise I wear to go to big events.
GRL this year in Chicago was a massive step toward me becoming that person. Those who know me, or have spent time talking to me over the last two years, have commented on how much more relaxed I am. That’s because I no longer have to expend so much effort to keep the mask from slipping. It’s incredibly tiring trying to keep up a façade. But like Edward from the Anita Blake series, the more I wear my mask, the more real it becomes to me.
I know I still have a fair distance to go, particularly when it comes to believing in myself. However, I’m starting to see that my new self isn’t out of reach, and I think the MM community as a whole has helped make this possible. Despite the drama llama rearing its head every now and then, I think we have one of the most welcoming and wonderfully supportive communities in the world! I really do mean that from the bottom of my dark heart. So, thank you.
~ Daniel Kaine
I have a number of paperbacks, most of which are signed, to giveaway. Over the between now (11 Mar 2017) and 31 Mar 2017, every comment on the blog (this post and all other new posts), will be entered to win 1 of these paperbacks. There are also some misc swag items, so there will be a few packs of these to give away as well.
Thank you so much for your support over the last 4 years. Prism will be closing its doors on 1 April 2017. All content will remain available, but no new content will appear after 31 Mar 2017. As such all request forms have been turned off. Again Thank you,
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