Not for the Weak ~ Daniel Kaine: Outside the Margins

Join us as Daniel Kaine goes Outside the Margins.

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There are a lot of things in my life I get annoyed about. A lot of it is very minor. Most stuff I’ll have a quick vent about, and then I shrug it off and get on with my life. That’s my way of coping. Release the frustration, and then move on. Holding on to negative emotions is just too draining.

However, there are several topics that irritate me so much that no amount of deep breaths and counting to ten million, nine hundred and seventy-four thousand, six hundred and fifty-eight is going to purge from my system. Every so often I come across one of these things, and it makes me want to punch the nearest wall.

Today I decided to have a quick scroll through my Tumblr feed, which is full of yummy pictures. Being a submissive, I do follow quite a few BDSM blogs. So there I am, flicking past some very nice pictures when I run into some comments that make my blood boil. They were about how submissives are weak.

I paused on the words for a moment, and simply blinked. Weak? Fuck them. It’s not like I let people walk all over me and abuse me however they want. Okay, so maybe that’s exactly how it is. But I CHOOSE to let them. And I don’t do it because of psychological issues stemming from my childhood, or parental issues. I do it because I enjoy it.

The act of being submissive requires an incredible amount of will power and self-control. We could let our safe word slip from our mouths at any point and everything would stop. The pain would ebb away, and control would be back in our hands. Figuratively speaking, of course, because we never lost it. In spite of the handcuffs and ropes, the chains and the duct tape, we were always the ones in control of the big red emergency stop button.

And yet, we don’t tell our masters to stop. We push past the pain. Even when our bodies are screaming at us, we soldier on and carry out our orders. Because we want to.

If a person wants to call me weak, I suggest they try being a submissive for just one hour. Let’s see how strong they are when the skin of their arse is glowing red and stinging with every smack of a paddle. Let’s see them endure some cock and ball torture, electro and clothes pegs. I’d like to see them realise how much strength it takes not to give in and scream ‘Uncle’, or whatever phrase they choose.

And if those same people think that because I submit that I must also be a pushover outside of the bedroom, then they’d better think again. I’m generally a laidback person, but don’t ever think that means I won’t bite if you push me.

A few years back I might have been a pushover. I didn’t have the confidence in myself to stand up and fight back. But, learning to be a submissive has changed me in such a profound way. I’ve learned so many things about myself in the process, but the most important lesson is this: I am strong.

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~ Daniel Kaine

About Daniel Kaine

Daniel was born and raised in the Land of Rain, aka England, where he now lives with his four lovable furballs; Mik, Ash, Spidey and Flash. Originally trained as a Biology teacher, Daniel was unsure what to do with his life until he came across fanfiction for his favourite anime and decided to have a go at writing his own. To this day, he still cringes at the memory of the cheesy terminology he used.

When not writing, Daniel enjoys a variety of activities, including running, going to the gym, bondage, watching anime, and the mass-slaying of virtual monsters in the hopes of receiving epic loot. One day, he hopes to become a werepanther and invent chocolate that can be eaten all day without making you fat.

Farewell Giveaway
I have a number of paperbacks, most of which are signed, to giveaway. Over the between now (11 Mar 2017) and 31 Mar 2017, every comment on the blog (this post and all other new posts), will be entered to win 1 of these paperbacks. There are also some misc swag items, so there will be a few packs of these to give away as well.

Thank you so much for your support over the last 4 years. Prism will be closing its doors on 1 April 2017. All content will remain available, but no new content will appear after 31 Mar 2017. As such all request forms have been turned off. Again Thank you,

Brandilyn
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Prism Book Alliance® assumes no liability for the ownership of photos or content used in guest posts and interviews.  The post author assumes all responsibility and liability for this content.

12 thoughts on “Not for the Weak ~ Daniel Kaine: Outside the Margins

    • Thanks for stopping by, Becky. I reckon you could last more than a minute. Determination plays a large part in it, and people who know me will tell you I can be very hard headed at times, lol. I guess the main difference between us, though, is that I’d enjoy it 😀

  1. Thanks, Daniel! Great post. This issue gets my goat big time too. I sometimes find it’s easier to ignore the flagrantly ignorant comments–like that submissives are weak–but what really bugs me are the more insidious ways that BDSM gets equated with abuse, and submission conflated with powerlessness. I still see some publishers placing their BDSM titles in the same subcategory as their noncon/torture/kidnapping books–and/or putting a BDSM tag on the latter. Because, you know, a consensual power exchange is basically the same thing as rape and torture. And a submissive is always a victim. *sigh*

    I agree–let anyone calling submissives weak try it for an hour. It takes strength and control not only to endure pain or the illusion of powerlessness, but also to trust ourselves, know our own limits, and have the courage to recognize and admit when we’ve reached those limits.

    • Hi, J.A. Thanks for your comment.

      I think the issue is because people do equate BDSM to abuse, and if you look at abusive situations, often the victim is mentally unable to say no. While I’m sure there are some BDSM cases that are like this, it’s certainly the exception and not the rule.

  2. Submitting to someone because you want to takes strength and self knowledge and consent. None of those things are equated with weakness. BDSM even has the guiding principles of ‘Safe’, ‘Sane’ and ‘Consensual’ no abuse or weakness there.

    • Thanks for commenting, Beverley.

      Things like That-Book-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named going viral really don’t help the situation. Yes, many readers have the brains to recognise it isn’t an actual portrayal of a BDSM relationship. But what about everyone else who simply don’t know any better? How many people were introduced to BDSM through reading that book? It certainly wasn’t sane, and in many cases the consensual part was dubious at best.

      Not to mention the fact that the main character’s whole philosophy is that the need to dominate stems from childhood abuse and BDSM acts as therapy, which will eventually cure him of his dominant mindset. Talk about a fat load of bollocks! Anyway, I could rant about the Voldemort-of-all-Books forever, and don’t even get me started on the movie…

      • Oh that did make me laugh. Yes that evil book has a lot to answer for have been interested in BDSM for years but now I am in a position to explore I am worried that the waters may be muddied :-/
        As to people who don’t understand the pleasure/pain thing tie them up and tickle them. I give them less than 5 minutes! Its probably harder to endure than a nice spanking 🙂

  3. Well said Daniel. It takes far more strength to ask for what you need at any time, especially if the need is outside the ‘norm’ for most people. And to admit that ‘that’ pain is GOOD 🙂

    • Hey, Jan. Thanks for visiting.

      I think any pain can feel good if you accept it. Of course, the difference between being on the receiving end of a good, hard spanking and having your leg amputated with a blunt saw is that we don’t want to accept the losing of a limb. It’s all in how our bodies interpret the incoming sensations. Essentially, there is little difference between pleasure and pain.

      To me, part of the strength of a submissive is in being able to override that part of our brain that tells us we’re in danger because someone is hurting us. And we can do that because we trust completely in the person we’re submitting to. At least, that’s how it should be. But like J.A. said above, we also need to be strong enough to recognise our limits and not be afraid to admit when we’ve reached them. For some people, that can be one of the most difficult parts of submission.

  4. Great post Daniel! BDSM seems to get a bad rap alot. It is a shame too because from what I have heard, read, and etc. it is NOT at all like some try to depict it. I have never seen Submissives as weak or Dominants as abusers. I hope more people start to realize that.

    Tj

  5. I honestly have no idea how someone could think being a submissive is weak, there is nothing stronger then trusting another that much that you’d willing be tied up, hopeless. I couldn’t do it, and that’s before you add the pain (which, no thank you ma’am)

    great post Daniel, it’s like everything in life, you have to have people willing to speak up, give people a reason, a way to see things differently then what culture has made us believe.

  6. I Have read a LOT. Of BDSM, lived with a Dom, and I’ve seen a lot of the pictures you have been scanning through in Tumblr. Although I LOVE a dominant man, having the cajones to give control over to anyone is way beyond my hard limits. A little tying up and blindfolding with someone I trust – MAYBE. But the hardcore D/s, I am far too chickenshit for. So,whomever made the stupid remarks don’t have a clue what they are talking about, I suggest they get a little education beforing using their fingers and writing their thoughts down,

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