PizzyGirl….A Year-End Review:
2014 was an amazing year for me. I accomplished so much more than I ever thought possible for myself. You see, I am by nature, a very steady and timid person. I can be outgoing and confident when called upon, but that is outside of my comfort zone. I prefer quiet and I do not accept change well in most circumstances. I would rather deal with a bad situation than take the steps necessary to make things better. Its scary thinking about what could go wrong. I may not be happy in that situation, but at least its familiar and I know how to deal. But in 2014, I CHANGED. And that change snuck up on me.
It started with my job. I HATED the company and managers I worked for. I hated the job I was allowed to do because I was not growing or developing. I was only doing the things I was good at. I was stuck in a rut and couldn’t stand not being able to show the world what I was capable of. So I updated my resume, but I didn’t do anything with it. What if no one else wanted to hire me? What if I had to move? If I had to move, what about my house? What about meeting new people? OMG, the anxiety was too much, so I stopped at the resume writing.
Then, one day I was browsing Facebook and ran across the call for reviewers for a blog I had been following for a while. You guys may recognize it, Mrs. Condit and Friends Read Books. My heart in my throat, I replied that I would love to review if it would not be too much trouble and if the spots were not already taken. I was accepted!!! To you this may not seem like such a big deal, but for me it was the world. You see, I was raised traditionally Catholic. And growing up, I never thought to challenge the teachings of my parents and my church. I never thought to give any consideration to any other way of life. Until I discovered m/m romance. Now, this secret I kept hidden from the world, was out. I was admitting that I was different than before! I was showing the world that I can be who I am and still be tolerant of others. I was accepted into this group of reviewers who we like me! They were funny and loving and they made me realize that there was nothing wrong with me for challenging my former beliefs. And that was very important, because my family and friends were not so tolerant of the fact that I did not conform to their expectations.
Then, Mrs. Condit retired and I was accepted as a reviewer here at PBA. OMG! This new group was so different from anything I had ever known. They sucked me right in and became some of the fiercest and most loving family members I have experienced. And they may not know it, but they, and a few other friends I met through the M/M romance community, helped me through the next change of my life. I don’t know how I would have done it without them and still remained sane.
Mid year, I finally had enough of my job and gave my resume to a head hunter. I figured I would have time to get over my nerves and get my head wrapped around this potential upheaval in my life. Well, that was not the case. Within a month I had a new job(someone wanted me!) over 300 miles away from all my friends. I went through seemingly endless and useless exit interviews detailing why I was leaving the company (only one person took notes). I had to make repairs to my house and get it on the market. I had to find a place for my cat since she does not deal well with strangers and loud noises, and let’s face it, there would be lots of people in and out of my house before it sold. Aaaaannnnndddd…..I had to do all of this without the help of my family or local friends. It seems that offers of assistance dry up when they are actually called upon or suddenly, more important plans appear out of thin air. But I did it! I showed the world that I could make it on my own! I was not that scared person anymore! I changed, but the full implications hadn’t really registered yet.
So, I got my house on the market, moved 300 miles away and started my new job (which is wonderful by the way). In the midst of all of this, GRL arrived. And OMG there are no words to describe the wonder that was GRL but that is another post in and of itself. For the purpose of this spotlight, GRL was another change for me. I had never been to a con of any sort and crowds of people are just not my thing. But I went. I was scared shitless, but I went. And met some of my new family in person. Brandilyn, Christine, Andrea, and Paisley were so welcoming and we clicked instantly. I knew there would be no turning back, I had found my soul sisters. Screw blood, family means so much more than that. When my blood abandoned me, my PBA team and m/m friends stepped up and took their place. They joked with me, listened to me rant, congratulated me every step of the way, and most importantly, they never left. They may not have always been with me in person, but I knew they would be there to listen if I ever needed them. No matter what, one of them would be around for support. They saved my sanity because while I may have been doing all this by myself, I was never really alone.
Then just as I was losing hope of ever selling my house, I had a contract and I could make the arrangements to have my stuff moved to my new apartment. Yay for getting my bed back! I scheduled the movers and then, just days before I was set to visit Texas one last time, my grandfather passed away. His funeral brought home, again, the idea that blood has no bearing on family. I watched as my mother and her siblings barely managed to be in the Church together. The petty jealousy and greed that tore them apart was almost enough to ruin the celebration of my grandfather’s long life. I watched as friends showed more concern and kindness than those siblings could muster. I felt embarrassed to be related to them. It was really starting to sink in that maybe, I was not the person I had once been and that was a good thing.
The final achievement to my year, was the sale of my my house. I have to specify this because the selling process was so stressful and the buyers were so demanding, that I feared the sale would not go through. But at last, that final tie to my old life was gone and with it came a great feeling of relief and self discovery. I may have peppered it through this post, but I did not realize what that truly meant until I looked back on my year. I CHANGED, and for the better. I learned that I can be more vocal and that it is OK to fade away from all that I had known growing up. I learned to be myself and not care (too much) about what others think. I may have lost some “friends” and “family” along the way, but they were not the people I needed in my life anyway. I changed!! And the more I say it, the more I love it.
2014 may have been a stressful, heartbreaking, and challenging year for me. But it was the best year of my life so far and I am so thankful for it all! As for 2015, screw the resolutions. I don’t follow them anyway. I think I am going to just continue along as I am now, challenging myself and learning to be who I want to be instead of who I am expected to be! Happy New Year Everyone!!
I have a number of paperbacks, most of which are signed, to giveaway. Over the between now (11 Mar 2017) and 31 Mar 2017, every comment on the blog (this post and all other new posts), will be entered to win 1 of these paperbacks. There are also some misc swag items, so there will be a few packs of these to give away as well.
Thank you so much for your support over the last 4 years. Prism will be closing its doors on 1 April 2017. All content will remain available, but no new content will appear after 31 Mar 2017. As such all request forms have been turned off. Again Thank you,
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