An Epic Fail ~ Andrew Q Gordon: Outside the Margins

Join us as Andrew Q Gordon goes Outside the Margins.

Andrew_Q_Gordon_OtM

An Epic Fail

What a month—and it’s only half over. First the obligatory, ‘I’ve got a new release, check it out’ shout out. I’m a bit burned out with promoting it to the four winds, so click the title for a link to a post with all the information on The Eye and the Arm.

This month, my family just grew by leaps. Our dog had puppies, six to be exact.

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Everyone loves puppies—well maybe not that guy over there, but most people love them. This was not an unplanned event, nor is this part of a nefarious plan to make money by becoming a puppy mill. Emma won her championship and was one win shy of her grand championship when she needed surgery on her nose. Since then Mike focused on doing breeding instead of getting that last win.

Puppies are cute, they can make toddlers be quiet (if they aren’t they can’t be around the puppies), they make people smile, and they’re a ton of work. The first three days, Mike barely slept. Sure Emma was taking care of them, but she needed to eat and go outside and someone needed to be sure the pups stayed warm and didn’t get hurt. Puppies and 3 year olds are even harder.

So this month’s post—which has already been a rambling mess—is just a collection of parenting moments. Why? Well, the birth of the puppies reminded me of how fortunate I am to be a parent. Yes, there are days when I scratch my head and think, I paid how much to hire a surrogate and gave up doing “X, Y & Z” for this, but those are outweighed by how much I love the ‘job.’

Like most kids her age, ‘lil q goes to pre-school/daycare. She started in a class of six, that became twelve when she made the toddler room and stayed that way until preschool when it went to twenty. She’s been the ‘baby’ of the class since she was moved up to the toddler room, but she holds her own. The importance of being the youngest to today’s post is the timing of birthdays.

When she started at the daycare, she was not quite a year old. We didn’t invite the other kids, partly because we didn’t know them or their parents, and partly because the first birthday really isn’t an invite the class type event. But in March of ’13 they moved her early into the toddler room. She wasn’t the requisite 18 months, but she was close enough and I think they needed her spot in the infant II room for an infant. When she arrived in the toddler room, many of the kids were about to turn two. They sent out invites to everyone in the ‘class.’ And thus began our life on the kids birthday party circuit.

We avoided the need to have a party for her second birthday because we got married the day before and our entire family was in town. There was no time or room for a ‘classmates’ party. But we did attend the parties for the now three year olds in the spring. Except for one. We missed S’s party. Why that one? Because it was the first one and we didn’t pay attention. After all, ‘lil q wouldn’t be three til the fall, so that’s when we were thinking about ‘party’ season. We got the invite, never checked it until it was after the party.

So cycle forward a year. ‘lil q is talking about S’s birthday. We didn’t see an invite so we figured she meant the other S in her class. Then at swimming, one of the other fathers said, ‘yeah, you really need to go to S’s party.’ Her dad used to be a caterer or something like that. Now I’m like, crap, we lost it again.

Being the dutiful papa I am, I emailed S’s parent and confessed to loosing the party info. (You can see where this is going, right?) Mom emails back and says, um, yeah, we didn’t send them out except yet except to some close friends, they’re going out tonight. Riigghhtt. They’re all going out tonight. Got it.

The truth is, I’m sure mom is telling the truth, but honestly, I can shake the feeling, no matter how much I try, that they weren’t going to invite ‘lil q. They’re not homophobic people—at least I’ve never seen any evidence of that—so that’s the reason, but it would have been so much better if we’d just not asked.

Oh and the worst part? We’ve already got something else planned for the time she sent me. O_o – yeah this is going to go well.

On a different note, I’ve sworn that I will not raise Marla Hooch—you know the girl in League of Their Own raised by her dad. No? Sigh, Click Here. So papa Hooch gives this little speak and apologies for raising Marla like a boy cause he didn’t know any better. I promised I wouldn’t have to give that speech ever. Yeah, it was a nice thought.

Despite our best efforts, we’re failing—epically failing. Mike has an app on his phone called ‘Bacon Farts’ and he made the mistake of playing for her. Evidently, a “Bacon Chutney’ is incredibly funny to a three year old. So is ‘Hershey Squirt’ and pointing your butt at someone and farting. Mind you, we’re only responsible for the Bacon Chutney, but being men, our brains haven’t developed fully. Where as the mom would have immediately admonished ‘lil q for potty language or on the inappropriateness of trying to fart on someone, ‘lil q’s daddy and papa committed the cardinal sin.

We laughed. Hard. Loud. A lot. Harder, louder and more when she did it a second time. We called grandpa to let him know, because he is the king of potty humor. In short, we made her a star for doing what we knew we should have shut down, but we just couldn’t do it, we were too busy laughing. Like I said, epic fail.

Maybe now we know why we didn’t get invited to S’s party. Sigh, At least the puppies have their mom to keep us in line.
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About

EyeAndTheArmTheFS Title: The Eye and the Arm
Publisher: DSP Publications
Genre: Fantasy

After defeating Meglar at Belsport, Farrell returns to Haven to recover from his injuries, but Khron, the god of war, has other ideas. He gives Farrell a new mission: free the survivors of the ancient dwarf realm of Trellham from their three-thousand-year banishment. To fulfill Khron’s near impossible task, Farrell will need the help of his distance ancestor, the legendary wizard Kel. But Kel has been dead for a thousand years.

Farrell finds information hinting that Kel is alive, so he moves his search to Dumbarten, Kel’s birthplace. To reach Dumbarten unannounced, Farrell and Miceral disguise themselves as mercenaries on board a merchant vessel. Their journey is disrupted when pirates attack their ship. While attempting to subdue the attack, Farrell is struck down by one of Meglar’s minions.

Unconscious and trapped in his own mind, Farrell’s only chance for survival rests with Miceral and the peregrine king Rothdin entering his thoughts and helping him sort fact from illusion. To reach Farrell, they will need to rely on an untested spell from one of Kel’s spellbooks. If they succeed, Miceral can guide Farrell home safely. If not, Farrell will destroy not only himself, but Miceral, Rothdin, and everyone around him.

DSP Publications
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~ Andrew Q Gordon

About Andrew Q Gordon

Andrew Q. Gordon wrote his first story back when yellow legal pads, ball point pens were common and a Smith Corona correctable typewriter was considered high tech. Adapting with technology, he now takes his MacBook somewhere quiet when he wants to write.
He currently lives in the Washington, D.C. area with his partner of eighteen years, their young daughter and dog.  In addition to dodging some very self-important D.C. ‘insiders’, Andrew uses his commute to catch up on his reading. When not working or writing, he enjoys soccer, high fantasy, baseball and seeing how much coffee he can drink in a day.

Follow Andrew:
website: www.andrewqgordon.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/andrewqugordon
Twitter:  @andrewqgordon
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/+AndrewQGordon
email: andrewqgordon@gmail.com
Books:
The Last Grand Master:  (Champion of the Gods – Book 1);
Purpose:
(Un)Masked:
Ashes of Life:
A Closed Door:

Farewell Giveaway
I have a number of paperbacks, most of which are signed, to giveaway. Over the between now (11 Mar 2017) and 31 Mar 2017, every comment on the blog (this post and all other new posts), will be entered to win 1 of these paperbacks. There are also some misc swag items, so there will be a few packs of these to give away as well.

Thank you so much for your support over the last 4 years. Prism will be closing its doors on 1 April 2017. All content will remain available, but no new content will appear after 31 Mar 2017. As such all request forms have been turned off. Again Thank you,

Brandilyn
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Prism Book Alliance® assumes no liability for the ownership of photos or content used in guest posts and interviews.  The post author assumes all responsibility and liability for this content.

4 thoughts on “An Epic Fail ~ Andrew Q Gordon: Outside the Margins

  1. Best epic fail … bacon faring … still laffing! Don’t worry about the s birthday invite. Just don’t make any kinda ‘big’ deal about it. If not invited … plan something neat to do & tell q that’s why they didn’t go … not because of no invite. Give q a reason to say why not there!!! There is no such thing as ‘epic fail’ when raising kids with love! Just explain your fat jokes are your ‘home’ jokes & you don’t share them with others … that they only belong to your family. Not doing anything if you aren’t learning! Pet the puppies & give q a big squishy!

    • Ann, first, thanks for the comment. I’m not sure about three y.o.’s in general, but with mine, tell her not to do something and she’ll rush to do it. I gave her a cookie after she ate breakfast the other day and said, don’t tell daddy (daddy and I disagree on whether cookies are for breakfast or not with me on the of course they are side) First thing she did when she saw daddy was tell him. Maybe it’s we were non-parents for too long, but last night I added – ‘who ever smelt it, dealt it’ to the list. And I swear I’m not trying to corrupt her, it just comes out lol.

      Thanks again.

      -AQG

    • She’s allowed to date? JK bi got that covered. Every time a dates comes to pick her up – and they will have to come get her at the house – I’ll be out front cleaning my shotgun. (And I’m not kidding about that

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