Join us as Adrian J Smith goes Outside the Margins.
Erasing Who I Am: Bi-Erasure
Erasing Who I Am: Part 1
There’s a newish term floating around the world, well most of my world, which is the internet. Bi-erasure. It’s a big, complicated word, right? Not really. Bi-erasure is exactly what it sounds like. Erasing the bi. Most of my readers know I’m bisexual, at least I hope they do because that means they’d be reading my blog.
I starting this series to recount the many number of ways my bisexuality has been erased in the past few years. It’s important. For a community that thrives on letting people be who they are, on letting individuals be individuals, there is an awful lot of erasing going on when it comes to my sexuality.
Let me tell you a story, a story of when I was in grad school. There was a prominent number of LGBT et al students at my graduate school, probably close to 30% of the students were gay in some manner or another. What happened to become an issue is when my class entered. A total of nine students in my semester began and two of us considered ourselves bisexual at the time.
Not a year later, there was another student, a gay male student, who started his schooling. This particular student is outspoken, which I generally don’t mind. We bonded and became friends, and he and I could often be found at the local pub sipping down a drink. I can’t tell you the number of times we played at dating just to get out of wanders who would try and hit on us or just because it was fun (mostly because it was fun).
The issues arose when I became single once again, breaking up with my ex after a decently long long-distance relationship. My friend wanted me to date, but he only wanted me to date women, because in his head I was a lesbian. I am not a lesbian. I wish I had a dollar for every time I told him that because surely I would be rich at this point. Surely he would have gotten it in his darn head that I was not a lesbian but in fact bisexual.
My friend is not the only gay person to tell me I was a lesbian, but he was my closest friend to tell me this. I thought because we were close, because we hung out almost every night of the week, that he might possibly one day come to understand. But after a year of him telling me I was a lesbian, of him telling me that bisexuality was not a thing and so I couldn’t possibly be bisexual, of him telling me that I was not attracted to people of the opposite sexes or genders or not attracted to a person’s organs at all, I’d had enough.
This friend was an advocate for the LGBT et al community. He was the leader of the on campus group for graduate students in my department, and he worked with the leaders for the on campus group in the undergraduate department. He had many friends across the entire city in the LGBT et al community, yet he did not accept bisexuality as a legitimate sexuality. There was no “B” in the LGBT for him. I don’t even what to think about what other letters of the alphabet he was missing out on.
Bi-people get hit from both sides. We get shunned because we’re not “gay enough.” Whatever the hell that means. I like men. I married one. I’m a woman who married a man, but that does not make me heterosexual. I like women. I’ve dated them, had sex with them, loved them dearly. That does not make me a “closet lesbian” either. I’ve dated people who were gender-queer. That doesn’t mean I’m gender-queer.
My sexuality has absolutely no bearing on anyone else’s sexuality or gender or sex. My sexuality is all my own, completely 100%, no ifs, ands or buts about it. My sexuality, at least how I claim it, is bisexual. I don’t look at what’s between a person’s legs when figuring out if I’m attracted to them or not, and for some reason, that really scares people. But isn’t that what we should be looking at? We should be looking at what makes a person a person and not simply the parts they were graced at birth with?
~ Adrian J Smith
About Adrian J Smith
Adrian J. Smith, or AJ as she is often called, has a generous and soft heart. She loves to rescue stray cats and dogs, as well as those who just escape. Her hoard of animals currently includes two cats, a dog and a fish, but no children as of yet. She’s passionate about LGBT et al rights, women’s rights and children’s rights.
AJ loves to read and write lesbian fiction, simply for the fact that strong women make her swoon and when two are involved her knees turn to jelly and she falls head over heels in love. AJ travels around the United States, and sometimes the world, gathering up stories for her novels. Currently, she lives in the middle of nowhere of the middle of nowhere and is rather difficult to find except on the internet, where she spends a lot of her time.
I have a number of paperbacks, most of which are signed, to giveaway. Over the between now (11 Mar 2017) and 31 Mar 2017, every comment on the blog (this post and all other new posts), will be entered to win 1 of these paperbacks. There are also some misc swag items, so there will be a few packs of these to give away as well.
Thank you so much for your support over the last 4 years. Prism will be closing its doors on 1 April 2017. All content will remain available, but no new content will appear after 31 Mar 2017. As such all request forms have been turned off. Again Thank you,
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