It’s All About The Annoyance ~ Outside the Margins with Kage Alan

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Buenos nachos! Or, as they say in a Mexican restaurant in China, Buddhist nachos! It all means hello…or good morning…or some greeting that’s both fabulous and unusual. I’m Kage Alan and this is my first official post at…um…here. Outside the Margins? That’s how I used to draw when I was a child. Or last week. I can’t draw, which I think we’ve now established.

Yes, I’m an author. I write comedy. I don’t write romance…except I sorta do. A little. Bits and pieces. So, on to annoying things.

Have you ever done something to annoy someone? Or, more specifically, to annoy your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse? I’m not talking about something silly, like putting the seat in the bathroom down, thereby making them expend energy raising it up again. That does annoy my husband, though. He doesn’t like anything he deems unnecessary physical exertion. I mean annoying like choosing a profession your other half can’t compete with, as in being an author.

Oh, this is an annoying profession for my husband. Not only can he not tell me how to write, he also can’t take partial credit for any of my successes. And I’m po. I’m a po boy. So while he can balk at the lack of money I add to the relationship, he has been witness to people telling me (in front of him) that they’ve enjoyed my work. This annoys him, because even he admits the gweilo (that means “white ghost” in Cantonese, or white people, me) needs praise once in a great, great, great while.

Now, the annoying thing is in coming up with a level of quality in my work to inspire people to come up to me in front of my husband and say things that make it difficult for him to stare at me with disapproving eyes. Oh, yes. Have you ever watched a half Asian give you the disapproving eye look before? It’s creepy. But to avoid it, I have to keep the level of my work up. And this sometimes means research, and that annoys me the most.

I’m not fond of research, so if I ever do any for a story, it’s evident because it absolutely has to be there. I’ll fight doing it, though. I’ve even written it into a story where the characters in the author’s head are commenting on the story as he’s writing it:

It didn’t take long for the bandits to catch up to us. They’d set traps along the trail and while Dustin was able to avoid most of them, there were simply too many. We dove off the wagon just as it reared up on its side and collapsed in a heap, horses and all. My poor Victorinox luggage!

“Excuse me,” Miss Kiernan interjected. “There’s no such thing as Victorinox luggage at this time in the old west.”

I didn’t ask for your opinion. It’s my story and you’re not even in this scene, so please shush.

“Here.” I reached out to hand Dustin his Remington rifle, then started looking around for bullets to load his pistol, too. We didn’t have that much ammunition, so he’d have to make every shot count. His hand brushed up against mine when he grabbed a hold of the rifle, and I swear every nerve in my body lit up like a Christmas tree covered in hundreds of LED lights.

“Didn’t have those in the Old West either!” Miss Kiernan corrected him.

“Does this asshole ever do any research?” Miss Tis seethed.

So, yes. Positive feedback from people given to me in front of my husband is good. Research is crap, but a necessary evil. I relish in it. I hate it, but I relish in it when it allllll works out in the end.

Incidentally, I hate relish. The only things that should ever go on a hotdog are mustard, onions, and chili.

And if you haven’t been too annoyed, I’ll see you next month.

~Kage Alan

About Kage Alan

Non-award winning and utterly non-famous LGBT author Kage Alan lives in a suburb of Detroit, MI with his husband, who answers to “His Majesty,” and their fish and shrimp, who answer to “fish” or “shrimp.” He enjoys adding to his tiny Blu-Ray library, and fibbing about buying Blu-Rays on New Release Tuesday. Kage also lives in fear of His Majesty’s Hong Kong Grandmonster, who God apparently doesn’t want to spend time with.

His novels include A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to My Sexual Orientation, Andy Stevenson Vs. the Lord of the Loins, Gaylias: Operation Thunderspell, and Falling Awake. He also has short stories in Butt Pirates in Space, Butt Ninjas From Hell, Butt Babes in Boyland, Butt Riders on the Range, and Butt Villains on Vacation.


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3 thoughts on “It’s All About The Annoyance ~ Outside the Margins with Kage Alan

  1. It’s always a treat when you give us a glimpse into the way your mind works. Your writing is wonderfully sarcastic, insightful and funny — all at the same time. Another fun blog post.

    • Thank you. =) This was almost a stream-of-consciousness post. My mind pretty much thought it exactly the way I typed it. But, yes, I’m not someone who likes to do research. And if I bother to do it, I darn well use it like there’s no tomorrow so as to have made it worthwhile to do in the first place.

      Thank you for always taking the time out to read!

  2. I loved that story, and not just because I’m in it! *grins* And don’t worry – I’ll be happy to tell your hubs how phenomenal you are next time we meet. I accept cash, charge, and Paypal.

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