Join Prism Book Alliance® as Megan Derr goes Outside the Margins today.
I have touched on being positive and not being judgmental before, but over the years I have gotten worn out, burned out, and been on the verge of quitting more times than I can count, and these two things mean a hell of lot to me. Far too often people would rather judge—meanly—and be negative than ever try to be kinder and more positive.
Lately, I’ve been going through something of a rough patch. With various stresses over the last year, and minor health issues, I’ve been stressed up to my eyeballs and in tears almost every day for the past two months. My wife has been my rock. Without her, and the texting and talking I do with my family, I probably would have lost my goddamn mind.
And one of the things that has been hardest to deal with is stepping away from the places that were my havens for the longest time. Back when I lived in Cincinnati, I had one sort of friend who really wasn’t much of a friend by the time I left. We were bad for each other, and we didn’t admit that soon enough or ever real deal with it. I had a boss who once told me that what I felt didn’t matter. Until I met Sasha, my little corners of the internet were my happy places. That’s where all my friends were.
Since daring to stand up for a friend, and not falling in line the way a bunch of people, most of them strangers, though I should have, I’ve stepped back. The place I once loved instead seems happier to be full of anger and bitterness and vitriol. I have blocked, unfollowed, muted, etc so many people because their feeds are nothing but negativity and putting other people down to build themselves up.
The M/M community, the queer community… no community is perfect, but these places are pain as much as pleasure for me these days.
Because they’re more interested in being negative. More interested in judging.
That’s no way to live. I did that for years and all it did was make me a person I didn’t like and cost me a lot of friends. I have my father’s temper, and I don’t lack for ego, and I’ve done a lot of things I wish I hadn’t. Now all I see anymore in the places that once felt like home are people doing the same shit I did.
Focusing on the negative. Attacking anyone who doesn’t meet a non-existent checklist of standards for good person. Dying on every single hill that comes into view. Deciding that it’s better to declare someone garbage and never talk to them again than acknowledge that people are human and make mistakes and can learn and change.
So I’ve stepped back, walked away from people I once thought were friends who now think I’m a piece of shit based on the opinion of someone who has never once even talked to me, on seeing one small side of a much larger picture, who think I’m scum because I’m not perfect, because I’m only human. Because they’d rather Be Right and The Winner and paint me, and so, so many others, as The Bad Guy.
This a problem that seems to grow worse by the week in our community.
It’s exhausting, and though I hate walking away from people who used to matter to me, I’ve been less stressed with them out of my life. I just hate it so often ends this way, when I would have much preferred to work problems out and bridge the gap.
Don’t judge. Try always to see the positive. These two things are so important. If you constantly focus on the negative and constantly judge people, all you’re ever going to see is another fight, another evil, and one day all you’re going to see is nothing, because you turned yourself into a poison that killed all the friendships and comfort and community you once had.
No one should have to put up with bullshit. But there’s a quote I think is relevant here, from Justified, which is one of my favorite shows:
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
Title: The Only Option
Author: Megan Derr
Publisher: All Romance eBooks
Publication Date: 05/01/2016
Cover Artist: Erin Dameron-Hill
Genre: Gay Romance
A desperate dragon. A lonely necromancer. A marriage neither wants.
When he is summoned to the royal castle, Rochus anticipates nothing more than a particularly difficult assignment. The bothersome journey is almost made worthwhile when he is propositioned by a young, beautiful dragon, Tilo, who seems untroubled by the fact that Rochus is a necromancer.
When Rochus arrives at the castle he is ordered to marry the very same dragon he spent the night with. Though Rochus would rather sign papers and return home, he is helpless against Tilo’s pleas for help, even if it means spending more time around a man he is desperately drawn to but who doesn’t seem to want him.
About Megan Derr
Megan is a long time resident of LGBTQ fiction, and keeps herself busy reading, writing, and publishing it. She is often accused of fluff and nonsense. When she’s not involved in writing, she likes to cook, harass her cats, or watch movies. She loves to hear from readers, and can be found all over the internet.
I have a number of paperbacks, most of which are signed, to giveaway. Over the between now (11 Mar 2017) and 31 Mar 2017, every comment on the blog (this post and all other new posts), will be entered to win 1 of these paperbacks. There are also some misc swag items, so there will be a few packs of these to give away as well.
Thank you so much for your support over the last 4 years. Prism will be closing its doors on 1 April 2017. All content will remain available, but no new content will appear after 31 Mar 2017. As such all request forms have been turned off. Again Thank you,
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