Join Prism Book Alliance® as Megan Derr goes Outside the Margins today.
If there is one thing I’ve (re)learned this years, it’s that you have to pick your battles. For years and years and years I have exhausted myself trying to help everywhere I can, shouting where others can’t, pointing out problems, standing up for friends and peers, so on and so forth.
And I have largely learned that a whole slew of those people were not, when I needed them most, willing to stand up for me. When a well-known troll and bully purposely mis-identified me expressly to cause me pain and “teach me a lesson” countless people I had mistakenly considered friends said nothing. Not to him, not to me, not anywhere. That hurt. It still hurts. Nobody deserves to be mis-identified (or mis-gendered) for any reason, I don’t care how mad you are at that, or how much you hate them.
I sympathize with friends and get condescending lectures, and people who have never once talked to me in any capacity make gross assumptions about why I do and say things. And again, nobody had anything to say that, except to say that I was the only one in the wrong. Which wasn’t true.
I argued with people who very follow a ‘if you’re not with us, you’re against us’ policy.
It’s made me very tired. It nearly made me quit writing and LT3 altogether.
But mostly it drove home that I cannot fight every battle. I deserve to put myself first sometimes, and occasionally that means walking away, even when the issue really matters to me. It means blocking people I once stupidly thought were friends. It means muting and unfollowing and otherwise ejecting people from my life because I am not perfect, I will never be perfect, and I’m tired of an industry that expects me to be so.
I’m asexual. I’m biromantic. I’m married to a wonderful woman. I’m a queer writer of queer fantasy romance, and a queer publisher of queer romance. These things all matter to me a great deal, they shape my life and my choices.
So it sucks that a group I should feel a part of (the queer community, the mm community I’ve been a part of since it’s early days) so often makes me feel like I don’t belong. That if I don’t say what they want, when they want, the way they want, I’m no longer welcome to hang out at the fringes of the club.
And these things used to make me bitter, and leave me crying, and wasting untold amounts of energy on things that will likely never change in my lifetime. But all I can do is keep writing stories that matter to me and others, keep publishing stories that might not get a voice otherwise and deserve to be heard, and do a better job of picking my battles. I’m not going to win them all, and I’m tired of ending every day feeling a sorry, wounded loser who’s never good enough for anyone.
If that sounds familiar, well, know it’s okay not to fight sometimes. You can leave the fighting to other people sometimes, it doesn’t have to be you every single time.
To everyone who has made the hurts worth it for the battles I did pick, thank you and I love you. I hope 2017 is kinder to all of us.
Title: The Royal Inquisitor
Author: Megan Derr
Publisher: Self Published
Publication Date: 12/04/2016
Cover Artist: Aisha Akeju
Genre: Fantasy, Gay Romance
Three years ago Esmour fell in love. Three years ago he was betrayed, arrested, and put in penance bracelets, ordered to serve the king as a royal inquisitor. Now he is one of the best inquisitors in the kingdom, known as they King’s Lymer… and still hopelessly in love with the man who once betrayed him. The man he must now work with to root out and stop slave traders, and Esmour fears this time it won’t be the criminals who are the greatest threat, but the man he can’t seem to despise and his own stupid, stubborn heart.
Author’s note: This story was previously released in Private Dicks: Undercovers and has not changed significantly
About Megan Derr
Megan is a long time resident of LGBTQ fiction, and keeps herself busy reading, writing, and publishing it. She is often accused of fluff and nonsense. When she’s not involved in writing, she likes to cook, harass her cats, or watch movies. She loves to hear from readers, and can be found all over the internet.
One random commenter with thoughtful, relevant comments will win a $25 gift certificate each month in 2016.
|This post may contain affiliate links.
|Prism Book Alliance® assumes no liability for the ownership of photos or content used in guest posts and interviews. The post author assumes all responsibility and liability for this content.|