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Title: The Worst Werewolf
Author: Jacqueline Rohrbach
Publisher: NineStar Press
Genre: Gay Romance, Paranormal
Release Date: 02/13/2017
The werewolf said, “Race you to the road.” It was the last thing Tovin heard before his life became uncomfortably complex.
Before that night in the forest, Tovin was the type of guy to play it safe. Happy wearing the same shoes, buying the same deodorant, and eating the same meals day after day, he thought his simple existence was pretty great. At least until his boyfriend dumps him for being boring. Heartbroken but on a mission of vengeance, Tovin decides to start a new life filled with excitement, danger, and maybe a meal from a questionable food truck.
A date with Garvey would start it all. Handsome, sophisticated, the man is everything Tovin thinks he needs. It’s a pity he turns out to be a werewolf on a mission to save his pack from destruction.
Now Tovin is caught up in Garvey’s world.
Abducted and forced to be the bloodservant of a powerful Alpha, he lands right in the middle of a brewing conflict that threatens to destroy humanity.
Werewolf Movies – Bad Moon
Warning: Contains spoilers for Bad Moon
One of the big reasons I wanted to write a werewolf book was because I’m a fangirl.
Werewolf movies provided a lot of inspiration, and quite a few laughs, for The Worst Werewolf. I watched as many as I could, sometimes re-watching my favorites. Common themes within the genre were fun to experiment with in my own work, especially when I could play with the dark humor in horror-movie moments.
Although I enjoy all the tropes on some level (yes, even the dumbest of dumb decisions), for this blog post, I’m going to focus on the sorry-I’m-a-werewolf speech. This is the part of the movie where the werewolf reveals him/herself and has a lot to confess. Honestly, it is one of my absolute favorite tropes. I adore it.
It looks something like this:
Werewolf: “Those people who were savagely mauled and partially eaten. That was ME! I totally did that.”
The Victim: “Go on…”
Werewolf: [Gurgles and clutches chest in pain, teeth get jagged and eyes turn yellow]
Victim: “Go on…”
Werewolf: “I’m a werewolf!”
Victim: “GASP! Also, go on…”
Werewolf: “And I’m going to eat you!”
Victim: [continues to stare].
Werewolf: [more flailing, lots of groaning because turning into a werewolf is hard work]“ “RAWR, I’m a giant wolf now!”
Victim: [finally runs]
Why do I love this so much? Well, I strongly feel more characters should sacrifice themselves for the sake of exposition. Mostly, though, I adore how they stay for the entire thing. Maybe I’m a coward, but the moment someone tells me they’re responsible for brutal murders, I’m out—werewolf or not. Best case I might give them until I see the teeth, but I’m definitely done with the conversation after that.
Werewolf movies seem to think that conversation would be much different.
The best sorry-I’m-a-werewolf speech comes from Bad Moon, which is also one of my favorite werewolf movies period (yes, it’s because of the awesome dog). It starts off in a way that’s fairly standard for the genre. Sex in a tent, lots of boob. Suddenly, a werewolf attacks. The girl gets eaten. The guy (Ted) survives but he is now a werewolf.
Fast-forward. This movie has some of the best footage of a dog judging a salesman ever recorded. Thor, the dog, is Ted’s antagonist throughout the movie and he’s also everything I want my dogs to be.
Thor also makes the sorry-I’m-a-werewolf speech 100% more awesome. Why? Well, he figures out who the werewolf is in the first twenty minutes of the movie. He goes out to the woods, sniffs around, finds a body, and then comes right back to the trailer and tells his kid, “Man, you need to get out of this trailer. Your uncle is a straight up werewolf.” That, at least, is how I choose to interpret his bark.
Around thirty-three minutes into the movie, Uncle Ted pretty much confesses to being a werewolf. The dog watches him with an expression on his face that says, “Are you guys hearing this? I mean, we talked about all the dead hikers five minutes ago and now he’s going on about what it’s really like to turn into a bloodthirsty animal. That’s alarming, right?”
Few more scenes go by. Janet finds photos of dead people and a journal where Ted writes he blacked out and woke up covered in blood that didn’t belong to him. Janet does put the dots together and suspects her brother is at least a murderer. Holy crap, reasonable conclusions based on available information!
Janet, now worried about what her brother is doing on his nightly jogs, follows him to the woods.
This is where the speech begins. Ted thought family love could save him, but it didn’t and this is somehow all Janet’s fault. Full toothed and pointy eared, he tells his sister how wrong she was to trust him, which she probably understood through context. This goes on for nearly a full minute. For its duration, Janet camps out on the ground, occasionally making distressed noises.
Why is this my favorite? Ted’s face is really messed up throughout his whole spiel. Janet, who has actually been pretty sensible up until this point, keeps watching even though she followed him believing he could be a psychotic killer.
There was very little sense in thinking, “Man, I believe my brother is a killer, so I’m going to follow him out to the forest armed with my stern voice and accusations. What’ll be great is how isolated we’ll be when I yell at him.”
Hope readers find moments like these in The Worst Werewolf, available from NineStar Press, to pick apart and enjoy! Part of the fun of horror is sitting down to discuss all those upward and downward counterfactuals. What could I have done differently to survive? Why are these people so irrational? Why are they going in there? You know you love it. I know I do!
Want to discuss your favorite sorry-I’m-a-werewolf speech or send me a message? Feel free to follow me @immutablemoon! Thanks for reading.
About the Author
Jacqueline Rohrbach is a 36-year-old creative writer living in windy central Washington. When she isn’t writing strange books about bloodsucking magical werewolves, she’s baking sweets, or walking her two dogs, Nibbler and Mulder. She also loves cheesy ghost shows, especially when the hosts call out the ghost out like he wants to brawl with it in a bar. You know, “Come out here, you coward! You like to haunt little kids. Haunt me!” Jackee laughs at this EVERY time.
She’s also a hopeless World of Warcraft addict. In her heyday, she was a top parsing disc priest. She became a paladin to fight Deathwing, she went back to a priest to cuddle pandas, and then she went to a shaman because I guess she thought it would be fun to spend an entire expansion underpowered and frustrated. Boomchicken for Legion!
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